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First off,this was not the post I intended to write. It was supposed to be a lot more upbeat and positive,with a little good news as well. However,that’s not the case. I feel like we’re going in circles

       Today,in about 6 hours,we were supposed to be going back to the hospital Karen had the surgery at last week for pre admissions surgical testing for the serious procedure opening her arm in about 11 days. That has to be moved.

        Karen’s symptoms are beginning to change and evolve into extremely frightening territory. Complications have occurred the last two dialysis treatments. On Saturday,she had to stop the treatment 15 minutes early due to a pounding headache.

       Tuesday’s treatment was something else altogether. The entire last hour of dialysis not only did she develop the headache again,she began to become nauseous. This has never happened before. When I got her out of the medical car,she didn’t look like my wife. After I got her upstairs to bed,the weakness just overtook her and she fell asleep.

       That night and today,the same complications of extreme chills on urinating persisted and became even more intense. The new aspect I wasn’t expecting and mistook for gas. Her urine had an overwhelming smell of sulphur. This is DEFINITELY not anything we’ve encountered before. I contacted one of her kidney doctors immediately.

        In the morning,I’m bringing her to his office,with the sample I collected,that is extremely cloudy.  We’ve been chasing the radiology place for the MRI she had last week on her abdomen and pelvis. He wants to see that first,but he believes she has a bad infection and might have to be hospitalized. We are praying that will not happen,but I’ll post later as I know.

    In the meantime, please if you can help us with anything, we would appreciate it immensely. I need to keep this fight going. When unexpected events such as this pop up,there are always additional expenses, additional stress,and additional worry. I assure you,I will fight to win.

Need all your love and support and prayers,

Brian.

CASHAPP -$BFN73

PAYPAL bn11473@gmail.com or Brian Nearey

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Or the GOFUNDME on my pinned on X

        Sometimes I find myself living in denial. The reason for this is because the term “Fighting To Save My Wife’s Life” is a harrowing statement. Telling myself that everyday would mean I would feel all of the emotions that accompany acknowledging that my best friend and life partner could die. I can’t carry on my caretaking work with that sentence at the forefront of my mind. I also can’t let Karen believe that the dialysis and the surgeries and the medication and the transplant quest are being done because she’s dying,even though that’s the truth. I’ve chosen to believe that she’s going to live no matter what,and the constant treatments are to make her the healthiest version of herself that she can be. I will not allow her to think or believe that there’s no cure for the suffering and pain she endures.

       It’s been a very full week as always. The extraordinarily strange people and goings on at the hotel feel to me,as a microcosm of society in general,and not always the best parts of it. My kindness and generosity often get mistaken for weakness and naivete. I witness things that I’d rather not see,and some that I don’t want to believe. I am often asked if I work here. The total sum of these interactions often add unnecessary stress to our already difficult existence. I will share more about that another time.

       Karen had what I believe to be was the hardest week of her treatment journey this week. Emotionally spent,she didn’t go to dialysis Tuesday. Seeing her tear filled face looking at me when she woke up,I knew she was in distress. She said in her soft fragile voice “Papa,I can’t today” I know when she says something like that,she means it because she never complains and is so adamant about following the protocols. I called her nephrologist,and they agreed that being that she’s in the middle of multiple tests, bloodwork,and approaching what will be a pivotal and serious vascular surgery,she could take the day to rest. I was relieved they concurred,but that was small comfort in the context of how she feels overall.

      On Wednesday,she had 2 MRI’s and bloodwork at two different locations. The liver MRI was completed. Hopefully by Monday,we will know what is causing the intense discomfort and chills she has using the bathroom. I’m fighting for her 24/7. There are days I feel like I’m losing. I will never give up.

        The reality is her health is a day to day survival,much like our financial and housing situation. We are maintaining until we can get the transplants she needs to save her life.

        We are hoping and pushing for the housing situation to solve itself within a few weeks. The harsh truth is at the moment,there is never enough money for us to survive without daily worry and fear. We don’t ask for a lot,and I reiterate for the umpteenth time that I hate to ask,but I just need a little more help with this fundraiser. If I could have a day or two a month where I can have Karen feel secure that we won’t go without it’d go so far to plow forward with this journey.

      So please,as I swallow my pride and dignity,can you help me keep my family together? We appreciate any amount. I will achieve independence from need if it kills me,but right now I am overwhelmed and overcome with fear. I’m hoping we can enjoy the weekend of OPLIVE with all of you,our cherished friends. Thank you.

PAYPAL – bn11473@gmail.com or Brian Nearey

CASHAPP $BFN73

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or the pinned tweet on my X profile has the GOFUNDME link

Until next time,

Brian

       Happy Friday, family..As you hopefully read,Karen and I waited for a couple of hours Wednesday at the hospital. They finally brought her back to the prep area,where I helped her with putting the gown on. After that happened,the surgeon called and said he was stuck in an emergency surgery,and we’d have to come back Friday.

        I saw the despair in my beautiful wife’s face,but I knew in my heart if I got upset, we’d both become ill from the stress. I looked at her,put my hands on her face,and and said “Bear,let’s look at it like this…Maybe someone’s life was saved today because he was in the operating room and not here” That did calm us both down. However, Karen’s life is in jeopardy as well,but this event was out of our control.

       So many events and circumstances have not gone in our favor. They say luck favors the prepared. Right now I’m not sure if that’s true. I’ve had to change course and have alternate solutions to so many hardships that arise because of things we’re promised that never seem to come true,or take longer than originally promised. I fight back,I chase answers,I advocate,I exhaust every single resource and still seem to never have anything get solved without heartache.

       We would’ve given up a long time ago. Your help has kept us going. Our desire for a peaceful and happy life keeps me going. I don’t sleep much,but I don’t care. I need more help than what I ask for,but I do everything to solve it myself.

      So,today will be the surgery. However,due to the possible housing opportunity that awaits us being delayed,I am asking once again for a small amount of help to get us through until next week. Karen’s fear of not having enough to survive is lessening her capacity to achieve health. We should be out of the hotel soon,or she won’t be placed on the transplant list. I’m asking you again to please donate any amount you can afford today so I can help us reach our goal of independence,which is a necessary component to keep my wife alive. With luck,we’ll be watching the show tonight with you. I’ll post when surgery is over.

We treasure you,

Brian

PAYPAL – bn11473@gmail.com or Brian Nearey

CASHAPP – $BFN73

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or the GoFundMe on my pinned X post, but this moment we need a little more direct assistance. Thank you so much

       Hello, Family. Once again,it’s the night before another surgery to help in the fight for Karen’s survival. This procedure is to unclog an artery near the top of her arm,by her underarm. When we had the consult for this last week,there was an alarming discovery. Under the bright flourescent lighting of the surgeon’s office,Karen’s left arm where the fistula is was dark red. Her right arm was pale white. That indicated in and of itself a bad circulation issue,which the surgeon believes has been caused by the clogged artery. Even though the second surgery was supposed to widen the arteries  where they connected to the veins and make the fistula operable,her anemia and overall health caused the collapse of the fistula.

        The plan is that once this artery is cleared,Karen will return to the hospital in about a week or ten days as an inpatient. That will be the most pivotal operation in this entire process. Unfortunately,they have to make a very large incision the length of her bicep. This is to remedy the biggest issue that 2 other surgeons have FAILED to achieve. They have to try and lift the entire connected vein and artery system towards the skin,so the needle for dialysis can easily enter her arm.

       This process began on January 8th. The surgeon tomorrow is the THIRD different doctor to work on her arm. We are praying that these two procedures are successful. Karen has had to endure chest catheter dialysis for far too long. The trauma and collateral damage she has suffered due to this is the most difficult thing I’ve had to witness her endure. The infections. The fatigue. The weakness. The abject fear of what will happen next. Her inability to sleep peacefully or use the bathroom because she needs diapers.

       I do everything in my power and more to make her feel as comfortable as possible. Everyday,I try to nourish her mental health,ensuring she still retains her dignity. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing. I never give up,and I will fight to my last breath to save her life. Many things she suffers through she doesn’t even want people to know because she’s embarrassed. I respect her wishes.

      This fight and journey would be hard enough if we had a normal living environment,and a sustainable income,and a car,and living family members. I must reiterate that asking for charity and handouts makes me physically sick. The more Karen’s health declines, I’m less concerned about asking for help. I can’t look it at it like I do. I’m asking for you to invest into a loving couple that has in the past and will in the future give back our gratitude to you and society when we achieve normalcy.

        We are in desperate need of a few hundred dollars immediately. Everything is so expensive. The housing issue is progressing, however slowly. We must pay our rent weekly or we will be without anything. I am asking you to please help me help my wife. I have been struggling with anxiety and incessant worry that I can’t show to Karen. I give her positivity constantly. She knows me better,though. I can’t hold it in when things are this bad. She worries about me,and money.

       Lastly,today was one of those rare summer days where there was not a cloud in the sky and there was zero humidity. When I was younger,I lived for days like this. However,at this time,days such as today trigger thoughts that the lack of clouds make heaven more visible to my soul. I think of my family, virtually every one up there, watching me be sad,which I don’t want. I think of everything that should be as perfect as the sky is on days like this. They are intense feelings.

     So,I’ll keep you posted as to what happens today. Please,over the next few days especially,I need immediate help. Whatever you can give goes to our immediate needs and fuels the ultimate battle,to save my beautiful and selfless wife. She deserves better. Thank you.

PAYPAL – bn11473@gmail.com or Brian Nearey

CASHAPP $BFN73

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or the GOFUNDME on my pinned post on X.

Thank you all again

Brian

      I’ve never been under any illusion that the battle to save Karen’s life and to rebuild our stability from losing our home was ever going to be easy. I have worked diligently to care for her with all of the power I have. I educated myself on her multiple conditions. I’ve worked with her dieticians to ensure she has the best nutrition. I consult with her pharmacist multiple times a week. I am in daily contact with her care providers at dialysis. I journal my actions and her vitals signs multiple times daily. I remain a positive force of love and companionship for her to lean on everyday. This is literally a 24/7 operation. I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I will go to every end of this Earth to save her life.

       However, I am continually being struck by forces out of my control that keep us from reaching our goals. The forces I’m talking about are actually threatening her life itself.

      We discovered last week that Karen has never truly been rid of the UTI she contracted over 2 months ago. One of her three nephrologists prescribed Cipro for 5 days hoping it would eliminate the infection,and ease the awful symptoms of intense chills she experiences while having to urinate. I knew after the third day of medication this wasn’t working at all. If anything,they are getting worse. Still,we dutifully show up three times a week at dialysis. Today,the doctor called while we were at the treatment facility, after  telling me not to bring her to the emergency room because of the way Karen was regressing. She placed her on another course of a stronger antibiotic, which will give her stomach problems besides her existing gastrointestinal diseases. She also suggested Karen may have a kidney stone. I don’t believe this is possible as she has no pain associated with a kidney stone. She has chills and fatigue. No fever. Low blood pressure. Towards the end of today’s treatment,she needed oxygen to complete it. She has interstitial lung disease. The root cause is up for debate among the doctors. I believe it’s from the defective recalled sleep apnea machine that was expelling foam particles into her lungs. Remember,she’s never ever smoked,drank,or ingested an illegal drug in her life.

      That being said,a full cat scan of her pelvis and abdomen will be done on Monday. Today,Friday,we will be at the third surgeon who will attempt to find a way to either get her fistula to work,or scrap it altogether and install a graft.

      The bottom line is, Karen is suffering because of the non preferred administration of dialysis through the catheter in her chest. The statistics of dialysis patients who die due to continued treatment in the chest catheter is alarmingly high. This is terrifying me. The trauma to her body is intensified. Her immune system due to her anemia is not strong enough to handle this. So many residual complications that affect her quality of life occur everyday.

       Everyone is telling me I have to take care of myself. As I am watching her struggle more and more,I am finding this next to impossible. I also am trying to engineer our efforts to get to a stable housing unit while caring for Karen. Delays after delays keep impeding this process. I am on the phone endlessly everyday only to be told I’ll be called back. These calls sometimes aren’t returned for 2 days or more.

       We must remain here another 2-3 weeks,and resources are running thin, especially without a car. I wasn’t expecting these setbacks. This was supposed to be a time of light finally piercing the very dark cavern we’ve been stuck in. The light is now fading,and I have to grab it back before the exit closes for good. As soon as we enter the door of whatever our new home is,all fundraising efforts will be ceased. Please remember that Karen will not be placed on the liver transplant list if we aren’t in a stable housing situation because their “reasoning” of “we can’t waste an organ on someone who’s considered homeless”

       I will update you all tomorrow while we’re at the surgeon. I implore you to please help us if you can due to the unexpected expenses of more hotel rent and transportation. Thank you so much OPL Family.

PayPal – bn11473@gmail.com or Brian Nearey

Cashapp $BFN73

VENMO KAREN-NEAREY-1

or the GOFUNDME on my pinned post on X.

Thank you all so very much.

Please pray for my wife.

Brian

    

    Hello,OPL Family. We are looking forward to a new show tonight,we missed all of our friends last weekend. For a few days,things looked like they were starting to turn for the better. We are feeling so sad for everyone who was affected by the tragic flooding in Texas. Children losing their lives,first responders doing everything they can to assist in a catastrophic event. So many homes and lives changed forever by a storm. As bad as our circumstances are,we held each other, Karen and I,thanking God we still have each other and the opportunity to fight everyday to hopefully reverse the desperate situation we’re in. I stayed silent until now for the last week and a half because a number of issues have arisen that have taken much of my time to attempt to fix.

      I would like to start by telling you about Karen’s cardiologist appointment last week. A routine every 6 month appointment Karen has had for 20 years. She has AFIB,but medication has kept her from having any episodes. Her EKG was good. However,this particular doctor hasn’t seen Karen since she began dialysis. Once we filled him in on the details of the obstacles we’ve faced in the quest to get Karen on the liver transplant list,we thought that we would hear some positive reinforcement,some encouraging words that would help Karen’s spirits and well being.

         This was not the case. He proceeded to start a diatribe,defending doctors he doesn’t even know,while downright insulting us simultaneously. He said “I don’t believe you’re a good candidate for any transplant” Startled,I asked him why. “I don’t think you will have the resources to deal with the aftercare and appointments and the therapy the post-transplant process requires because you’re poor” Then he claimed that wasn’t a knock on our financial situation,it is just reality. Then the worst,most cold hearted statement came next..”If you had gotten a transplant a year ago I don’t think it would’ve been successful because of your life situation” Now I’m livid. I stand up and look at him right in his eyes and I said “Don’t ever underestimate me! I run a 24/7 operation trying to keep Karen as healthy as she can be,and to nourish her soul and spirit to give her the will to keep fighting” He then said *see you in 6 months” and casually walked out of the room. After over 20 years,I never thought he’d be the one to kick us right in the teeth. If it was a motivational tactic,I don’t need anymore motives to keep my wife alive and save her. I have all I need. I research. I learn. I feed her right. Her meds are correct. I journal every symptom,every blood sugar and BP reading,day in and day out. Karen was devastated. It took me 3 days to convince her he was wrong. We will be looking for a new cardiologist.

      I’ve been searching for the answer to the mystery for 2 months as to why Karen has awful chills when going to the bathroom. She is wearing diapers, unfortunately. Finally,I was able to get a sample and we visited her nephrologist,the first of three on her care team. It immediately tested positive for a UTI. We were under the impression that it was cleared up after the pains had subsided. The pains were replaced with chills,and most likely the infection NEVER went away completely. Now Karen is on yet another antibiotic. She is extremely uncomfortable.

       We also went to the third and hopefully final vascular surgeon because Karen still doesn’t have an operable fistula. She is still receiving chest catheter dialysis. Creates more danger,more fatigue. She is undergoing surgery for the third time on her arm. If the fistula isn’t able to be brought closer to the skin of her arm,they will have to perform a graft. Unfortunately,none of this is guaranteed to work. We are worried,but always trying to remain positive.

        We are hoping the housing situation will be resolved by the end of the month. I have rattled every single resource that might help us. We will hopefully have a concrete answer within 10 days.

     Yes,we’re still in need. We still are always in peril of not having enough money. I’m ending all fundraising efforts soon. I just can’t keep asking for charity. The feeling I have of being a burden even though I’ve been told I’m not just never escapes my heart.

  So,like always,the GOFUNDME is on X or the pay platforms

PayPal – bn11473@gmail.com or Brian Nearey

CashApp $BFN73

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Now please,let’s have a great weekend if possible. We are grateful for all of you.

Brian

  Dialysis days start at 8 AM. I wake up,feed the cats,and get Karen’s clothes ready for her treatment. I get her morning meds ready. When I wake her,I try to be as gentle as I can so as to not startle her.I have to physically help her from her lying down position to sitting up by lifting her right arm and slowly pushing her back so she can sit on the side of the bed. We always have to start with a sugar check. Then I give her insulin pen shots. I give her a small cold bottle of water to take her meds with. In the rare event that she’s hungry,I will give her a protein bar.

        After this,I bring her into the bathroom leading her by the hand so she doesn’t fall. I bathe her partially because the chest catheter area cannot under any circumstances get wet. I help her change her diaper,then comb out her hair. She has to sit in a chair for this entire process,or she’ll lose her breath and strength. Then I walk her back to the bed and get her dressed. Sometimes she can’t even button her shirt herself.

     After that,I sit her in her walker that has a seat,and use it like a wheelchair to push her to the elevator of the hotel. We go downstairs to the medical taxi. Thankfully it’s only a 5 minute ride to the treatment center,after I help her get into the car and fold up the walker and put it in the trunk.

       Once at the dialysis center,I don’t let her enter the treatment room until I can speak to her nurse,the manager of the facility,and when she is around,the social worker. Sadly, I’m not allowed into the treatment room. Nobody is. I have to air what concerns I have from the last treatment before I let her begin the next.

      The fistula still doesn’t work. We will be going for pre surgical testing next week on what will be her third operation on her arm. Worse yet,there’s no guarantee that it’ll work. If that’s the case,the danger to her life will be exponentially higher. We are terrified about this.

       As a result of how much trauma she’s enduring due to the chest catheter, we’ve reduced the amount of fluid they remove from her each treatment. The more they take,the worse she feels.

       I then return to the hotel. I do housework, cleaning everything to ensure the room is as sanitary as it can be. I prepare her snack for when she gets home,make sure the linens are clean,vacuum and steam mop the floors and steam clean the bathroom. I feed our fur babies and make sure they have immaculate litter boxes. I do laundry twice a week in the ancient machines the hotel charges $3.25 for and the dryer which is also $3.25. Since the car is gone,I walk to Walmart when we need groceries or supplies.

       By the time I’m finished,Karen is on the way back to the hotel in the medical taxi. She exits the car looking like a ghost. She is weak and has no voice. I wheel her up to the room. By the time I get her as comfortable as I can get her,I go over her numbers from dialysis. Blood pressure,fluid removed,blood oxygen levels. I give her a snack,check her sugar,give her afternoon meds,and try to make her laugh before she naps. The cats will snuggle in around her on the bed, seemingly knowing their Mommy is sick,and they’ll nap right next to her.

       I make dinner choices based on how bad or good she feels. I sit on the bed and call care providers and the social workers who are trying to get us an apartment. I look for programs on TV for that night that I know will lift her spirits. I monitor her sleep because sometimes her legs get restless and fall off the side of the bed. Everytime they do,I cover her up again. She has bad dreams everyday and night. I try to reset myself for the night shift.

      She wakes up at 8. I give her all of her night medicine,then make dinner. We eat and watch TV. Most of everything I’ve said repeats itself again with adjustments and deviations until it’s time for sleep. That’s if she’s able. This is a NORMAL day. If she’s not feeling good, everything intensifies. When she finally is able to go into deep sleep,I finally collapse from exhaustion, although I can’t sleep myself. This is a 24/7 operation.No leisure time. No going out. Just a minute by minute survival. It takes time to recover to get to the next day to repeat the process. Living in this hotel doesn’t help.

       Worries about the $600 a week I have to pay to keep us here until we can finally find a place rattle my brain and trigger anxiety at the moments I need to rest most. I never allow myself to think we will lose,or worse,that i will lose her. However,this is no way to live. I’m terrified I still may have lymphoma.

       My announcement is I’m going in 2 weeks to find out if I do. I have to know. What I do know is I’ve lost 80 pounds in 8 months and it’s from not eating and stress. Either way,I’ll let you all know when I do.

      This is no way to live,and Karen doesn’t deserve it. Please,I know you’ve helped in so many ways,but it seems like there’s never enough money. Life is just too expensive,even if we were living in the street. Any amount that anyone can help us with takes away from the stress and incessant worry so I can keep fighting for Karen’s life. I’m deathly afraid I’m going to lose her. I’m not feeling sorry for myself. Karen doesn’t see when I feel bad,but she knows me all too well. She knows I’m torn up inside,but I’ll never give up.

      Finally,since we can’t, have a Happy 4th of July for us. We will miss the show this weekend,and interacting with you all. That’s our lifeline. YOU are what’s kept us going. I just can’t do it alone.

Once again,the GoFundMe on my pinned post on X but quicker help to our pay apps

PAYPAL- bn11473@gmail.com or Brian Nearey (don’t forget the extra E in Nearey)

Cashapp $BFN73

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Until next time,Love, loyalty,and friendship,

Brian

     Well,I get these feelings of insecurity lately that people are tired of hearing about this. I can’t say I blame you. It’s not the most uplifting of stories. However,the reason I’ve laid bare the sordid details of our lives is that I’m damn proud of the fact that I’m still alive to write about them. I have been compiling over the years the book that when completed,will help me put my past to bed for good. I am a survivor. I know at times I sound desperately sad and pessimistic. That’s only because this blog is a way of venting. For the 19 hours I’m awake everyday,I’m in caregiver mode. I am Karen’s advocate,husband,best friend,an optimistic source of energy she can draw from when she needs it most. I push the heartbreak aside. She needs me now more than ever.

        We found out that her fistula is still NOT usable. She will need a third operation to bring her vein closer to the top of her arm.We have decided to use the doctors at the transplant hospital for this. They are far superior to the surgeons that did the first two. She is still dutifully at dialysis three times a week. When I get her back to the hotel,I have to use her walker as a wheelchair to push her to the elevator,then into the room and right to the bed. She usually has limited voice ability after treatments. Memory problems. Low blood pressure. Extreme fatigue. There are times when it’s frightening,but I can’t let her know that. I’ll make her laugh and make her lunch. Then she sleeps. And sleeps. I watch over her from the next bed,planning out her dinner, getting her meds ready,making any appointments,cleaning the room,creating the happiest environment I possibly can for when she wakes up. At night,she has dinner,we watch some TV, snuggle with the cats,talk about the future,then I bathe her. Once this cycle is finished,she falls asleep. After about 2 hours,her legs start flopping around the bed,the result of the restless leg syndrome side effect of dialysis.She also is wearing diapers. She shudders when she has to go,the pain gone from the UTI has been replaced with chills. It’s difficult to watch. Hell,the entire thing is difficult to watch,but I can’t show her that. By the time I’m to tired to keep my eyes open anymore to make sure she’s ok,it’s about 345 AM. Then 5 hours later, I’m back at it. It’s what I do. It might get worse. It doesn’t matter what the end of Part 2 said. The bottom line is Karen is the single most gentle person I’ve ever met in this world,and that’s one of the many reasons I married her on March 19,2013. The story I told in the first two parts is horribly and disgustingly true. She was not only abandoned by those closest to her,she didn’t even have the strength to tell them that they hurt her epically. She falsely believed the one sibling she has at least a casual relationship with would care enough to help her,to be there for her through this tremendously difficult illness. No. Instead,she was told that she could no longer live in the house where she cared for her Mom when nobody else would for 20 years. The only home she knew for 47 years. Sold at a bargain basement price because two of the three heirs didn’t really need the money. A house the county assessed at $300K sold for $140K in a cash short sale. Only 60 days to try and find just a shred of a lifetime of memories to shove into a 5×7 storage shed.  The proceeds split three ways. Lawyers fees. Final utility bills. Back property taxes. The balance left for Karen given in dribs and drabs has now been over 90 percent exhausted in overpriced hotel rent while she fights for her life. However,she has me. I have been through things as bad or worse than she has. That might manifest itself in sadness at times here,but in real life I’m a warrior. I will fight to my last breath even if it ends up that I have the lymphoma the doctor keeps telling me to confirm. I fight because Karen deserves better. She never hurt anyone. I swallowed so much of my pride and dignity to ask to raise resources to keep my battle for our lives going. I am so grateful for everyone who prayed,showed support,messaged me,cried with me,laughed with me,and provided what I’ve needed to stay alive myself. I need a tiny bit more help,than I’ll try to take it from there. So if you’ve read this far,thank you. You are truly family. Please stay that way. To help me,look at the other blog posts at the end of them.

See you tonight. 

Brian

      The answer to that question is a big,fat NO. One of Karen’s siblings completely estranged herself from both parents and Karen. To this very day,no reasons were given or provided. This sibling didn’t even attend either of her parents funeral services. No cards on birthdays or holidays. However,this sibling does have a relationship with Karen’s other sibling. That sibling doesn’t offer any opinion on any of the matters stated above. This obviously made for an extremely awkward,hollow,and surface relationship with Karen.

         I might be biased,but Karen’s heart and soul doesn’t possess any of the character traits displayed by the other siblings. Karen is gentle,caring, sensitive, compassionate,and would give you the shirt off her back if anyone needed help. Karen, although extremely hurt by the way her siblings distanced themselves from her and her Mom,never held a grudge nor expressed any anger towards them. She was and still is confused, brokenhearted,and scared of being abandoned by friends due to these past events.

      So Karen continued to work full time at her unfulfilling retail job during the day,and came home each and every night to her Mom well into her 40’s. She didn’t have much of a social life. She was taken for granted and taken advantage of by both romantic partners and friends. She dutifully took care of her Mom and the house, without fail. Thankfully,she was able to work out her hurt with her Dad, because she still was in pain due to the divorce all those years ago. The bottom line is Karen sacrificed her dreams in order to care for her mother.

       We married in 2013. (I’m saving the story of how we met for the book I want to finish) A month after we married,my father died in Florida of COPD from 9/11. 6 months after my Dad passed,it was the night before Thanksgiving. I was at work.Karen had gone home to start getting holiday dinner prepped. When she opened the door of the house,she noticed her Mother’s bedroom door was closed,which was highly unusual for that time of day. Karen knocked on the door and she didn’t get any response. She called me hysterically crying,after calling 911. She was terrified. By the time I got there,the police had broken down the bedroom door. Karen’s beloved Mom had passed away.

       They said it was heart failure. Karen was so angry at herself for no reason. She had taken Mom to every doctor appointment.Her Mom was just never emotionally right after the divorce. She was unable to display any loving, nurturing behavior to Karen because she was broken inside. Karen did everything she possibly could to encourage her to care more for herself. Sadly,the last years of her life were spent as a recluse. Other than the doctor,she didn’t do anything except lay in bed and watch TV. It was difficult for Karen to handle,but she never stopped trying.

       After her Mom’s death,her relationships with her siblings remained the same. With one sibling, occasionally phone calls,once in a great while a visit,cards on holidays,but not anything deep or meaningful. Karen and I were working,and living in her childhood home.In 2014, Her Dad came up from Florida to help us put new appliances in the kitchen and new facilities in the bathroom. My Father in Law was as sweet and generous of a man as Karen is a wonderful woman. However, Karen’s health began a slow downward turn at the beginning of 2015. She was diagnosed with diabetes in 2005. This was a genetic issue as her Dad and multiple relatives on her Dad’s side had the same illness. Despite sticking to a strict diet and medication protocol,she began to feel weaker at work. She began to have to leave early from work,her blood sugar spiking seemingly out of nowhere to numbers in the 400’s. Her insurance at Walmart was expensive,almost $200 every bi monthly paycheck. $400 a month and her care team choices were limited to a small network of physicians. She also had copays and prescription costs as well. We believed we had every tool at our disposal to manage her disease properly.

        In the Fall of 2015,Karen made her usual duty change from cashier and sponsor of new employees to the person in charge of Holiday Layaway. This was a job she performed with much skill and pride. She enjoyed helping parents get gifts for their children and making accommodations for those who didn’t have as many resources as others. However,the stress of that holiday season took its toll on her health. The harder she worked,the worse her condition became. More testing proved she was extremely anemic,and also developed thyroid and digestion issues. As much as she despised the idea,she had to make the choice to stop working after 25+ years of faithful employment.

        We were advised by doctors that Karen should apply for Social Security Disability,which we retained an attorney to do. However,the attorney didn’t perform his duties with due diligence,and because of this,she was denied the first time. Then, that lawyer went out of business,forcing us to start the entire process again with a new attorney.

       I was working full time in a management position when Karen first became disabled. I was able to put her on my health insurance,which was also extremely expensive. I noticed over the period between 2015 and 2017 that Karen was struggling with the frustration of the decline of her health. Her anemia wouldn’t allow her to do the things she loved doing. Her depression also increased,and she finally was diagnosed officially with Dysthymic depression. This is an inability to cope with past loss and trauma. I knew she needed me to care for her full time. With great reluctance and fear,I left the workforce that I had been a part of one way or another since 1986,when I was 13.

        We were hoping that her disability application would come through. As every month went by with no answer,we were forced to sell anything we had of value to survive. Yard sales,cashing out 401K’s,things that we never thought we’d have to do so early into our marriage. Our credit vanished.We didn’t have a car. We were forced to go to Social Services to ask for assistance. Before we were approved for this, Karen had an episode where her sugar spiked to 800 one night. She was rushed to the hospital with ketoacidosis. I almost lost her because we had no insurance. It was a terrible time.

       Throughout this period, Karen’s father helped us pay the property taxes every year. He understood that Karen was very sick. Many discussions were had regarding the future. It was always his intention to leave Karen the house,so she wouldn’t have to move from her childhood home with this ravaging illness. There was enough for him to make everyone happy if he had passed. However,he never got around to making out a will due to his own illness.

End Of Part 2/Part 3 tomorrow

Family,please,this is one of the last times we are going to ask for emergency help. We need $400 to cover back rent immediately. We don’t even want it as a donation.We need a loan. I couldn’t get more than $300 for our car that was picked up by the junkyard today. It was heartbreaking. It wasn’t much,but we had it for seven years. Just another sacrifice. just another loss. It is painful beyond measure.  Please,those of you who know me know I deplore asking for money,but this will be the last plea because it’s an emergency. We could end up in the street. The anxiety is unbearable. Like I said,we can pay it back next weekend. Please.

If you need information or questions,DM me on X

PayPal bn11473@gmail.com Or Brian Nearey

CASHAPP $BFN73

VENMO KAREN-NEAREY-1

or the GOFUNDME on my pinned post on X

Time is of the essence. Thank you all!

   Hello,Family. I don’t use that word “family” lightly. Many of you have been closer to us than the few relatives that my wife has left. With Karen’s permission,I am finally going to recount her story of sacrifice,love,loss, abandonment,and betrayal.

       Karen was born in the Bronx,NYC, in 1966. Her Father was a Master Mechanic,and a service manager at a car dealership. Her Mom was a homemaker. She has 2 siblings relatively close in age. One brother,and one Sister.

      Searching for a better life away from the ever changing city, Karen’s Dad decided to relocate the family 70 minutes northward in Dutchess County,NY. At the time,a suburban,if not downright rural paradise. A wonderful place to raise a family. He bought a 940 Square Foot Ranch with a finished basement. In 1977,the family settled in the little white house on the hill.

       For anyone brought up in the hustle and bustle of city life,the culture shock of a sudden move to the “middle of nowhere” can either be refreshing,or create downright resentment. As Karen’s father drove to work everyday, Karen’s Mom had the foundation of resentment building and burning within her. This manifested itself in isolation,even from her children. Over the next four years, Karen’s parents marriage was crumbling,day by day. Finally,in 1981,the unthinkable occured. Karen’s Dad left the home and the family,asking her Mom for a divorce.

       While this trauma deeply affected Karen,her Mom instantly self started her independence as a single Mom. She learned how to drive and began a career as a caregiver in a Nursing Home. Karen’s Father moved to Florida and remarried,but still paid the mortgage monthly.

      Karen’s siblings,upon graduating high school,moved out of the home and followed their dreams and career paths in the 90s. Once they left,Karen felt she was obligated to not leave her mother alone,as although she was working,her Mom’s health was deteriorating year by year. Karen wanted to make sure her Mom wasn’t abandoned and left alone. After a semester at community college,Karen took on an entry level retail job,in order to stay close to home and care for her Mom and the house,that now housed only them.

       During the last years of Karen’s mother’s career,she was unable to drive at night due to her vision. Karen drove and picked up her Mom from her overnight shifts at the Nursing Home. Ultimately,in 2003, Karen’s Mom suffered a collapsed lung,which forced her to retire. Karen worked full time,and cared for her Mom everyday after. Did she have any assistance? ……..

      That’s Part 1,and when you read Part 2 tomorrow,I believe you’ll have a greater understanding of how one or two  catastrophic life events can leave collateral damage for years after.

In the meantime,The Agency we originally filled out housing applications with has had such a shortage of housing that they require new letters from doctors regarding the need for a partially subsidized apartment. I’m trying to hang on in this hotel to at least keep Karen in the most sanitary environment possible. This is $600 weekly,on income that is barely $1,400 a month. The math will never compute. I spend the hours Karen is sleeping contacting every assistance possibility,writing letters,calling senators,and everyone is “trying” for us. I am not going to ask for any more donations after July. Every time I hit “publish” on a blog post or “send” on a tweet I get nauseous knowing I’m asking for help again. We need a few hundred dollars immediately so I can focus my energies on getting Karen through yet another surgery,as her fistula is NOT VIABLE. This is increasingly risking her life. Please,even if you want it paid back,send to the GOFUNDME on my pinned tweet on X,or better still

Cashapp $BFN73

PAYPAL bn11473@gmail.com or Brian Nearey

Venmo Karen-Nearey-1

If you need the money returned,I can on July 3. We just can’t get through the rest of the month until what we’re waiting for comes through.

Part 2 tomorrow.

Thank you all for understanding.