Author: bn11473

……We used to love Christmas. I would always have the tree up the first week of December if not before. I remember from the age of 12, because my Dad would usually be working at sea on the tugboat,I would often put our tree up myself. As soon as I started working for my own money at 13, I would do everything I could to make Christmas as beautiful as it could be for everyone. I loved writing cards, wrapping presents,decorating. My mother and I would always watch Midnight Mass,then A Christmas Carol.  There wasn’t anything about Christmas I didn’t love. I do remember from a young age wondering why everyone couldn’t be that happy all year round. In the tumultuous childhood I often had, Christmas was always peaceful for the most part.

     Karen and I started our own little traditions after we were married. Her and I shared the same spirit and heart. She helped me realize more what it’s supposed to be all about. Especially when Karen became disabled,and we couldn’t afford presents,we had our house,our cats,each other. It was never about material things. We made the best of it.  Due to the fact that our family members mostly were deceased,and as every year passed by,we lost virtually all of them,there was a heaviness the holiday season that weighed upon us.

      Last year at this time,we genuinely thought we were only going to have to spend a little more time in this hotel.  Every single agency that we could go to for help we availed ourselves of.  We never realized just how difficult our situation would be for the powers that be to solve. Once Karen began dialysis,the entire year of 2025 began a series of operations, consultations, applications,waiting lists, promises made to us that weren’t kept. Unfortunately,as every month passed by,the routine of keeping Karen alive and in the fight to reach a point where she either would get on the transplant list or the hope that her condition would stabilize had become more difficult. It has become more difficult. When people you entrust to help you tell you to constantly be patient,that you matter,and your situation is important to them break their promises,what else can one do to get them to act?

      The truth is,YOU, our OPLive Family,morally, spiritually,and physically kept us alive. While we are and always will be eternally grateful, I know it not only humiliated me asking for support, it embarrassed me and depressed me and I never intended for fundraisers to go on forever. I had thought (wrongly) that everything we were promised was going to come to fruition. Even if it did,I always knew we’d be “in need” until we were completely settled and my plans for our self sufficiency could begin. I also wanted the original fundraiser to be spread beyond the OPL Family. Unfortunately, because it didn’t spread beyond the group, it became too much to keep asking the same group of people to help. We never wanted that. EVER. 

      So here’s where we’re at. Due to the pivot we have to make to a more supportive housing environment,our caseworker overwhelmed by the amount of clients she has,and now a mixup in the application causing us to be denied for the place where it’d be best for Karen,we’re stuck here at least until January 1. I am waiting to see if I will need a biopsy on the lymph nodes in my stomach. Karen is waiting for the results of the MRI on her lungs,which are causing her health to worsen overall. We are silently in pain,and I didn’t even want to write this. I don’t know what’s going to happen from one day to the next. I’m scared,but I have to keep fighting. I can’t give up, although I’m falling apart. What I’m saying is we’ve never felt so lost as we do right now. We are having difficulty surviving every month,as much as I do everything I can to make what little we make stretch.

    I’m asking you friends,for this week only, if you can assist us with a few dollars to survive through the holidays. We don’t need much,but we are at a point where any amount can help. I had hoped this year to be able to give you all Christmas presents,but sadly,that didn’t happen. However,when you wake up Christmas morning,and every morning,even if you don’t know it,our hearts have and always will be grateful for you. I cannot wait for the day when I can tell you all that we’re finally on to the next step. I just want Karen to have peace of mind for the next week and a half. If there’s anything at all you can do,even if you want it paid back,

CASHAPP $BFN73

PAYPAL BN11473@GMAIL.COM or Brian Nearey

VENMO KAREN-NEAREY-1 (to the picture of Scootie,there are 2)

Or DM me on X for more info

Thank you all,OPL FAMILY

  Hello, everyone. I haven’t written in awhile,and that’s not something I like to say or admit. Writing,even if only for myself to read,helps me to “stay in the moment”,organize my thoughts,and close the chapters in my mind that are still open,which for me is to help avoid staying stuck in past bad events or problems that have yet to be solved.

      It’s not easy to publicly hash out each and every detail of our lives. As open as I like to be,I fear what people will think of me,I fear judgment,I fear rejection. Those are toxic emotions that have lived within my soul since childhood. It stems from having to be an adult at a very early age. Once again,that era will be written about in the book that I vow to complete one day. As always,the focus of these writings will always be about Karen,how unique and special she is,and how I’m giving my all to keep her as happy and healthy as possible while life threatening disease wreaks havoc on her body,day in and day out.

     I can’t believe how much time has gone by since this entire saga began. My mind wanders to 2017,right before I had to stop working to care for Karen full time. Our beautiful and beloved dog, Chocolate Lab Princess Mocha Isabella was still with us. She was the sweetest,most loving dog. I’ll never ever forget this one particular day. At the time,we didn’t have a storm door at our front entrance. I always had to be careful when UPS came,or someone knocked, because when I’d open the door, Scootie, middle aged and curious back then,would sometimes try and sneak out of the house!! The few times it happened he never went far,but he made it difficult for me to grab him when he’d run under one of the shrubs either in front of our house or on the side.

      Anyway,one cold evening,I had to go out to the car to get something. I thought Scootie was in the bedroom with Karen. I was opening the door slowly when I see that chonk of grey and white tuxedo slither right past my leg like a snake,darting out onto the front lawn and right under Karen’s rhododendron bushes. Now,at that point in time people told me “Oh, Chocolate Labs are stupid compared to Black and yellow Labs” I was always insulted by this, because Mocha was a very smart, intuitive dog. Not knowing exactly where Scootie was,I grabbed Mocha’s leash,and I look right into her eyes and I say “Mochie,we have to find your brother, ok?” Without as much as a prompt,she dragged me outside and went right to the thickest part of the rhodie bushes,and pulled me all the way through EXACTLY to where Scootie was laying!He gave her a look like “I’ll get you back for this later” and his hide and seek game was over,Thank God. I’ll never forget how relieved I was that Scootie was safe,and I’ll never forget how proud I was of my baby girl for finding him immediately. I told her what a good girl she was,and gave her a big busy bone for her to chew on when we got back in. She always knew when Karen wasn’t feeling well. She’d go to the couch where Karen was resting and put her head right next to her face and gave her nose nuzzles to try and make Karen feel better. When Karen would pick me up from work at midnight,they had a routine. At 11:30 PM, Karen would say to her,”You wanna go get Daddy?” She would get so excited and twirl in circles. Karen would put her in the back of our minivan and when they got to the station,I would always come outside and Karen would open the door and Mocha would come running right to me,jumping and happy and woofing. She was the best dog. She was the first loss of many we would suffer starting in 2018,and continuing on and on to this day.

     My daily focus is always centered on caring for Karen’s daily needs. However,like I keep being reminded by many of you everyday, I have to care for myself too. On Christmas Eve last year,I had a cat scan from my neck to my abdomen. This was because my lymphocytes in my yearly bloodwork were abnormally high for three straight years. My blood was checked for leukemia,which was ruled out.I was sent for the scan to check for lymphoma. The scan discovered several things. I had a hernia, degenerative disc disease,and several lymph nodes in my stomach that were swollen but not big enough to biopsy,but said to possibly be reactive (cancerous). I was told to repeat the test in 90 days. That would’ve been March,9 months ago. Karen was in the middle of all of the Fistula surgeries and dialysis. Then she developed the stone in her bladder,the infections. I kept pushing it to the back of my mind. I didn’t want to know. I dreaded turning 52 last January because my Mother died at 52 in 1997,and I cared for everyday for 3 years and watched her slowly perish. It was unbearable to think that I might have to endure the same thing. I needed to keep Karen’s health first. I don’t regret that,even though I know I should’ve made some attempt to repeat the test. Finally,today I went. It took so much soul searching to do this. So I get there. I fill out the paperwork. After 30 minutes, I’m still not called in. I ask the receptionist what was going on. She called downstairs,and she asks “Are you ready for your 1115 yet?” I hear the tech yell “NO” loudly through the phone,followed by indecipherable yelling. After the call ended,the receptionist tells me “I’m so sorry,Brian,the patient before you was halfway through his test and THE MACHINE BROKE..She’s going to try and reboot it but I don’t think it’s going to work,come back Monday at 1245” I had to laugh. Only me. It’s just the exact type of thing that has plagued every aspect of our journey to have a somewhat stable life. So,Monday it shall be.

      I started noticing about a few months ago,as some of you know,that Karen had times where she could only walk a few steps without becoming extremely winded,forcing her to sit in her walker and deep breathe for a couple of minutes until she could proceed. Unfortunately,as much as Karen kept trying to tell me “I’m ok,I’m ok” ,I knew better. As days passed,then weeks,this phenomenon became a daily occurrence. Even in the hotel room,just going to use the bathroom. The pulmonologist can’t make a definitive call until she has an MRI of the groundglass opacities that are part of her Interstitial lung disease. That will happen this week. Reality tells me that being that oxygen only temporarily relieves this symptom, that it’s not going to be something that can be treated to a cure. Most likely the symptoms will only be able to be lessened. If this is indeed true,Karen will most likely not be a candidate for any transplant. This isn’t me giving up hope, because I’ll keep fighting for her everyday until I’m told by any possible hospital that could possibly save her that it’s impossible. However,watching her endure this heartbreaking and frustrating inability to walk is the reality I have no choice but to face.

     As a result of this,and discussions with the medical team,housing caseworker and social workers,our housing destination must pivot from the conventional apartment we picked out and waited so many months for to a senior garden apartment complex in Kingston,NY. This will not be or feel like a hospital or nursing home. It will be a unique environment where there are apartments,but should I need immediate emergency assistance with Karen’s health,there is a building on site with people that can expedite help. As much as I had hoped that we wouldn’t have to depend on such an environment,her symptoms and declining health are demanding that this will be the best place for me to care for Karen and keep her as comfortable as possible without making her feel like she’s in a nursing home. I was so reluctant to write about this. The last few weeks have been some of the most difficult doses of reality I’ve had to swallow and accept. My heart is extremely heavy,and I still have no choice to not show Karen weakness,sadness,and hurt so I can keep her motivated and at peace.

     I apologize that this isn’t the most cheerful of posts to read during the Holiday Season. I apologize for that. In the meantime, I am so grateful to you all for your support and encouragement during this entire ordeal. I hope we can all watch OPL this weekend together. This is still a day by day fight for survival.  Please feel free to DM me for any more information. That’s about all I can write right now. I’ve stopped to cry over 10 times since I began this. We pray for you all everyday.

Brian

CASHAPP $BFN73

PAYPAL bn11473@gmail.com or Brian Nearey

VENMO KAREN-NEAREY-1 (There are 2 the one with the cat is us)

       It’s now Tuesday morning,2 days before Thanksgiving. This year,as I’ve stated, Thanksgiving falls on Karen’s Birthday. Karen has been a quiet warrior each and every day that she’s been disabled. She’s also been a quiet,shy,sweet,generous woman who has not had the best luck in this life. She’s sweet, doesn’t have a cross word for anyone,and has never intentionally hurt anyone in her life. She sacrificed for the good of those she loved. In 2013,about 6 months after we were married,she came home from work the night after Thanksgiving and found her Mom’s bedroom door locked. She couldn’t get her to answer the door. She was terrified. She called the police,then me at work. The police busted down the bedroom door,and Karen’s Mom was expired. Karen was beyond devastated. She blamed herself. She took care of her everyday for years,but still felt like she should’ve done more. Nothing could’ve been further from the truth.

      She feels like she doesn’t deserve to be made a fuss over. She’s so gentle and warm hearted and kind. She doesn’t want much,has never had that much,but deserves so much more than she has ever gotten. That might include me,too. That’s how helpless I feel sometimes,as much as I give her all my care and attention,I always ask myself “Why can’t I do more to make sure her life is happy and secure?” I’ve been by her side for 8 years,everyday. I did this despite not being able to be paid by the state of NY to care for her. As I’ve stated dozens of times, a social worker at Dutchess County Social Services told me if I wanted to be paid,I should divorce her. I’m sorry,but I wasn’t going to do that for any price.

     Before we ever asked the public for help to survive,we survived on everything we worked for years for,until there was nothing left. Now that we’ve had to live in this hotel for over 14 months,yes,we were accepted into a program to live in an apartment 45 minutes away. We still have to pay 30 percent of Karen’s $1,400 Social Security check (our only income) towards that rent. Yes,the move should’ve happened weeks ago. Yes,I’ve pushed everyday to expedite it. I cannot push any harder. I’m doing everything I can.

     In the meantime,she’s had 6 operations this year. She’s suffering on dialysis,she’s weak, exhausted,and still doesn’t want to be made a fuss over. Doesn’t feel like she deserves it. I’ve tried to show her,tell her,and treat her like she does deserve. However,this moment right now,even though I suspended official fundraising, I only ask to help me give her a special day on Thursday. We don’t have a way to cook a Thanksgiving dinner,but that doesn’t matter. We only want to be together with the cats,and watch the parade and the dog show and have some food,and I want her to be surprised that people thought of her on her Special Day. We don’t know if she’ll be eligible for the transplant list. Her health is not good.

     So please,for these next few days,if you can help at all, please DM me on X or

CASHAPP $BFN73

PAYPAL BN11473@GMAIL.COM or Brian Nearey

VENMO KAREN-NEAREY-1 (to the picture of Scootie)

This post I’m not ashamed of posting. This is not for ME this is for KAREN. She’s been through enough. She deserves some happiness,no matter how temporary. This will only run until Friday. I’ll delete the request for help after the show Friday night. Thank you for understanding my purpose here. I can’t help wanting this for her. Please help me make it come true

Bless You All

Brian

POSTSCRIPT…

     Karen slept a lot today. She felt the morose atmosphere of waking up in a hotel for a second consecutive birthday and Thanksgiving. She wasn’t feeling well physically,but emotionally,as much as I tried to lift her spirits,there was a sadness in her eyes that wouldn’t disappear for very long. Yes,she was grateful for everyone’s well wishes and encouragement. That goes without saying. Karen is a person who has been hurt profoundly throughout her life. It took me years for her to even acknowledge that the things that happened to her were not normal,and that she never deserved them. Yes,she gets up everyday,and she is willing to physically fight for her life by going to treatments, surgeries,doctor and hospital visits. However,the wounds she carries emotionally are scars that are deep. These scars aren’t something she wants to burden anyone with. She doesn’t know how to express the pain she feels. Yes,she has a therapist,but she has still not opened up fully to her. It’s a process. She has a built in fear of asking for help. I know how to break through,but I can’t heal all of the toxicity by myself. She has to move at her own speed. It’s so difficult for her to trust anyone for fear of being rejected or dismissed or judged. The thing that makes this so outrageously unfair is she’s so gentle and kind that there is no amount of recompense that would be sufficient to heal her enough to release that deep,intense heartworn pain. I give her all I have within me to help her feel understood and cared for and loved unconditionally. However,I learned over the years that I can’t heal it all,and yes,it’s excruciatingly painful for me to know that. However,as someone who grew up way earlier than he should have had to,I fully understand and empathize with how she feels. I have my own perilous emotions that lie within my soul. Yes, I attempt to live my life with them in a place that I can advance forward without it being a daily hindrance. The truth is some scars don’t heal. Some emotions that are residual negativity from those scars spring up within me at my weakest moments. They cause anxiety,bouts of depression and sadness,self doubt,and damage to my self esteem. I try to recognize when they are affecting me,then use coping mechanisms to emerge from them in a short amount of time. My story is long and complicated and you’ll all hear it someday. I just wanted you all to know that when I do ask for help, my anxiety levels go to extremes. I don’t want to burden anyone,and being that I always worked from age 13 on, it’s terrifying to ask people for money and makes me feel like such a failure at the same time. I’m putting that aside because this is only for Karen. If I can focus on not worrying so much about finances,I’ll have more energy and determination to try and help Karen get to a better plateau in this journey towards a healthier and happier life,if that’s God’s plan. I realize the odds are against us as far as the transplant lists. I don’t care. Whatever time she has left should damn well be the most optimal experience it can be. So yes, that’s why I continue to reluctantly ask for monetary help so I can keep fighting this endless battle. I hope you all understand. We’re both eternally grateful for all of you,and we always will be.

Brian

I’ve always wanted to be a broadcaster,since I was a little boy in a household where I had to be an adult at an early age. When things would get crazy in my household,my transistor radio was my best friend. This would be especially true at night. Hearing people’s voices helped me fall asleep. Hearing people talk and not yell calmed me down. I also learned a lot from the people behind those voices. From that point on,realizing what a powerful influence they were on my life,my dream was to become a voice to possibly help anyone feeling the way I did at that time. This video is going to be the first in what I hope will become a safe place for caregivers to find comfort sharing their experiences when they need solace. It’s also another outlet to tell the story of our journey,that evolves and changes, sometimes by the hour.

     Still waiting and fighting the powers that be. Karen is finishing dialysis right now and is exhausted,and not feeling well. A week from Today is Thanksgiving. It’s also Karen’s birthday,and I just hope we can even get to that day. Life is a fight for all of us right now. Thanks to you, I never surrender,and never will. We are and will be forever thankful for you,family.

    In the meantime,the next steps here are getting Karen’s MRI on her lungs. When I first saw the words “groundglass opacities” in her lung cat scan,to the layperson’s mind,I translated that as “particles” groundglass sounds like tiny bits of glass looking substances no? So I automatically thought that meant it came from the defective CPAP machine Karen had that was part of the Philips Recall a few years ago. The pulmonologist said “That’s indeed possible,but I can’t sign off on that” so because of that we were dropped from the class action suit against the company. Why? After 3 years of non communication by them and unreturned phone calls,when we sent in the pulmonologist’s report,they said “you didn’t demonstrate injury in time” which was outlandish.

    The MRI is not for any legal case,but It’s a condition to get Karen on the transplant list. It depends on the severity of her condition whether or not she meets the MEDICAL criteria to be placed on the list. I can’t offer an opinion right now on if I think she’ll pass this test. The way she’s been feeling lately, as strong as I want my faith to be, I might have to say she won’t. There has to be a reason why her pulse ox and Blood pressure drops so profusely after only a few steps. She never smoked any cigarette of ANY kind in her life. I believe it’s just the totality of her other conditions that is weakening her further. As always,if I project and worry (which I do anyway) it’ll take away from my faith. I’ve really had to learn to live day by day. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Growing up as a child who became an early adult,not knowing what was going to happen next created that need to want to know what lies ahead,in an effort to control what is uncontrollable. That’s no way to live. Anxiety itself is no lifestyle to live. I can sometimes feel it eroding my energy level sometimes. I fight it with trying to feel empowered. When I help my wife and she’s happy because of it,that’s empowering. If I can give a friend an ear and offer advice they appreciate,that’s empowering. Knowing that on Friday and Saturday night you’ll all be out there somewhere watching our favorite show with us,that’s empowering. It’s also all the reasons I never will give up.

   So,as another weekend approaches,I want you to know once again I’m thankful for all of you,and so is Karen. I hope I can give her the best Thanksgiving and Birthday I possibly can next week. We will celebrate for show purposes this weekend. I just wish Reelz didn’t change the way we engaged with one another. It doesn’t matter,we’ll be there. Please DM me if you want to ask anything or talk. We treasure you guys. Hope you like the video.

Brian

        As I sit here and watch her sleep,(which is unfortunately becoming the norm) I wonder what is going through her head as we prepare for yet another surgical procedure tomorrow morning. Since September when the bladder stone was removed,this is the third,and second in the past 30 days. 6 operations in 2025. Five of them on this damn fistula. When we were at the last surgery,I asked once again how many people have to go through multiple procedures in order to have a fully functional connection. I was told once again,that it’s not “uncommon”. That tells me absolutely nothing. I was also told that Karen’s overall vascular health plays a factor in the multiple failures she’s endured.

     I am utterly amazed at just how gracefully she handles the rigors of dialysis and multiple operations and unclear answers and worries of an unknown future. However,juxtapose that with the utter hopelessness I sometimes see in her face when she’s laying in bed after dialysis,wondering when or if her life will regain any form of normalcy. I don’t force her to express her feelings,all I have to do is look at her and I know that my patience, support,and encouragement,as well as my unconditional love sometimes just can’t be enough to lift her spirits. I absolutely cannot blame her for feeling that way sometimes. She told me the other day “Papa,it’s either these 4 hotel walls or dialysis,it’s driving me crazy” What can I say to that? She’s absolutely right. It’s now been 15 months since we took the last look at our home on the way to the temporary housing lifestyle we never thought we’d still be living in now. I don’t and never will understand why my wife,who worked full time from High School until 2015,32 years,and caring for her Mom with no help,gets told in her most dire time of need and critical illness that not only does she have to wait for a home that she has to partially pay for,but not being in a home precludes her from receiving organs she needs that could potentially save her life.

      The powers that be were aware of her situation before we even moved out of our home. Due diligence was done by me every single day,exploring each and every option that is supposed to be available to people like my wife,who never hurt anyone, never committed a crime, always paid her taxes,and never asked for any help from the government until she got too sick to not to ask. Dozens of applications for housing sent in with documentation that had every I dotted and every T crossed,sitting in a pile on a desk until someone decides it’s important enough to be dealt with. In the meantime, a light finally turns on to illuminate what is hopefully a bright future,a chance at a new existence,an opportunity to feel normal again,14 months later. Then the government decides to shut down,delaying not only that progress,but also the very resources we depend on just to stay alive while we fight these battles. Isn’t it enough of a fight to try and mitigate multiple critical and life threatening illnesses? I wonder everyday how many people die because their paperwork was ignored,or had nobody who cared enough to advocate for them in their most dire time of need?

     I’m not going to allow my wife to become a statistic. My will to get us to the next level,though weary,shaken,and terrifying,is always alive and well and doing whatever I can to push this process forward,while keeping Karen as healthy and peaceful as she can be. In my private moments,I crumble. I cry. I’m plagued with never ending intense anxiety. Then I move forward. Yes,you’ve all told me I have to care for myself, and I promise you that I’m trying,but my focus is razor sharp and unbreakable. I’ll find time to collapse when we get to the next step. Until then,every minute of each day is consumed with problem solving,expediting appointments,coordinating medications,diets,protocols,and activities of daily living. This is my duty not just as a husband,but as someone whose heart won’t allow him to slack off even for a second. Time is precious,and I can’t afford to waste a second.

      So,family,I ask you to pray for us today. I pray that this will be the last time Karen has to be wheeled into an operating room until the possible day she receives the liver and kidney she needs to enjoy the life she deserves more than I do,more than most people do. She’s suffered enough. Knowing that we will be in this damn hotel for a second Thanksgiving (which is also her birthday) is soul crushing. Yes, in my rush to attempt to stand on our own, I halted the fundraiser. For this week, I ask for any assistance that you might be able to give in order to provide fuel to ease the burden I’m feeling pressing on every part of my brain. I apologize profusely for yet another request. I only want Karen to not worry about one aspect of her life,and maybe even possibly enjoy her Birthday, because Lord knows she has more than earned that right. She has paid her fair share of sacrifice and heartache. Something extremely cruel happened yesterday. One of her siblings was in the area for an appointment,and not only did this person (who lives an hour away) not call to ask to see Karen,they called yesterday to tell her they DROVE BY THE HOUSE THAT THEY FORCED HER OUT OF. Not only that,took pictures of what it looks like now and SENT THEM TO HER. Can anyone read a room??? What would make this person think that Karen would want to see the home she lived in for 47 years now,when she misses it so terribly and is at the lowest point of her life???? Thank you all who send encouragement and prayers and well wishes,and for being there. We wouldn’t be here without it. I’ll let you know when Karen is out of surgery. Thank you for reading.

BRIAN

CASHAPP $BFN73

PAYPAL BN11473@GMAIL.COM OR BRIAN NEAREY

VENMO KAREN-NEAREY-1 (Send to the one that has Scootie’s photo)

Or DM me for any questions on anything.

       Tomorrow morning before 11AM, go to YouTube, in the search glass,type “Life Of A Caregiver” I will be uploading a brief video to begin what I need to do,for several reasons.

      Karen is having another surgery Wednesday. The last 48 hours have been intensely stressful. I have been battling with medical professionals,social workers, anyone who has influence over our very survival. I hate that they hold our future in our hands. They have made our life virtually impossible.

      We are undergoing a temporary setback. Normally,I can push through these troubles. Right now,I’m telling you all that I am very close to being at the end of my rope. I can’t watch my wife waste away in this hotel any longer. I have absolutely no choice but to reach out and ask for your help. Please DM me on X to find out how. This is an extreme crisis point. Thank you.

Brian

      Karen has another surgery Wednesday. I’m doing everything I possibly can to prepare her and keep her attitude positive. However, due to the delay that caused our food stamps to be late and the Agency that is partially funding our new home being affected by the Shutdown and their backlog, we have exhausted our funds for this month.

       Karen’s health is getting worse on a daily basis. Everyday brings a new fear or uncertainty. I’m fighting as hard as I can,but I can only do so much. We’re in a crisis right now. I’m not advertising this post, because I don’t want to ask for help. However,I am with extreme reluctance and fear am asking for some small financial assistance to get us through the coming tumultuous week. If anyone can contribute anything,or loan us anything, please,the stress is overwhelming me. I’m hoping we can break the logjam of red tape and get out of this mess. As hard as I’m trying,I feel Karen is giving up. Please,I’m imploring you. Some of this pressure needs to be alleviated. As always Bless You and Thank you.  We are very grateful for you all.

CASHAPP $BFN73

PAYPAL BN11473@GMAIL.COM OR BRIAN NEAREY

VENMO KAREN-NEAREY-1 (send to the one with Scootie’s photo)

I’ll update everyone tomorrow

Goodnight

Brian

        Let’s recap…My wife was forced to retire in 2015 because when she would go to her job of 15 years (before that 15 at another place) her blood sugar would spike to levels beyond 400. She’d be dizzy. Weak. Scared. No appetite. Anemic. Hiadal Hernia. Had a disc removed 10 years before that. She couldn’t maintain her unparalleled work ethic. It killed her inside to not be able to work. We visited a lawyer to apply for SSD. That lawyer told her because she was applying before the age of 50 (she was 49) it’d probably take awhile for her case to be won. In the meantime,we were living on my income,and my insurance would only cover so much of her medicine and doctor visits,as it wasn’t the best insurance and the premiums were atrociously high.

     Working 45-50 hours a week, I did all I could to keep our household afloat. We did everything to adjust her diet. No matter what course of action we took,she just seemed to get sicker. I’ll never forget the night in 2017 we had to go in the ambulance because her diabetes meter read 800. I thought I was going to lose her. She had contracted ketoacidosis,and she almost died. She was only in the hospital 8 days,my insurance wouldn’t cover anymore. She also discovered her shoulders had adhesive capsulitis, couldn’t raise her arms above her head. Torn meniscus in each knee from lifting boxes for years at the holidays as the Head Of Layaway at Walmart. Carpal tunnel in each hand. She wasn’t able to be operated on for any of these conditions because of her anemia. I had to make the difficult decision after that hospital stay with her ketoacidosis to stop working to care for her full time. If her sugar spiked and I wasn’t there,she could die.

    I didn’t think in 2017 that we’d have to wait much longer for her SSD to be approved. The denial had come through a year earlier as the attorney said it would,but the appeal was winnable. Then the attorney went OUT OF BUSINESS. We had to hire yet another attorney. Clock starts over again. What did we do to survive? We had to sell anything we had of value in our home. We had to cash out our 401K’s. We never once wanted to be a part of the system,or ask for help. What we had no choice to do was apply for Medicaid. The savings and 401K money ran out by 2020. Only then did we have no choice but to go to Social Services to apply for food stamps and welfare.

    We existed the best way we could. Karen’s Dad passing 2 days before Christmas in 2020 broke her heart,and much of her spirit. All the while,I tried my best to manage her diseases. I wish I would’ve realized all of the medicine she was on were wreaking havoc on her kidneys and liver. Then the Sepsis in 2023. That’s when we found out her kidneys were failing, after her appendix was taken out. From there,you know the rest. Last year, August 9, leaving her home of 47 years for the last time. The heartbreak and fear of losing your home, never thinking we’d have to spend the 33 % proceeds from the house entirely on a hotel room so we weren’t homeless. Promises from the system that they’d find us a place. Finding out I couldn’t be paid as her caregiver unless I DIVORCED HER. Dignity eroding by the day. Having to depend on the kindness of strangers for survival. The choices we never believed we’d have to make. The agonizing beginning of dialysis. 5 operations in a year,all while living in a hotel. Discovering a lung disease not known before. Being told she can’t have a transplant until we have a permanent home.

       Daily hardship. Daily anxiety. When a bright spot emerges,a door briefly opens,it gets slammed shut. Incessantly worrying about if we can survive everyday. Yes,it tempered my resolve to overcome,my resolve to save her life or die trying. However, there are times I’m flat out broken. You have all had a hand in keeping me going,in every way. I work at this 24 hours,even in the few hours I get to sleep. I just want to thank you. There are so many more horrific events in between everything I’ve described. However,I’m still fighting.

    Karen’s birthday is approaching. I feel like I’m witnessing a decline in her health daily. It’s getting harder. I try to get stronger as it does,but as my family,I’m telling you there are times I don’t know if I can keep it together. That’s why I have to use this outlet to release my intense emotional pain and worry and fear. The bottom line is I’ll always need your help as this journey continues,no matter what the ending might be. Please reach out tomorrow if you can. I have to get my love through yet another operation. Wednesday. I don’t know how much more she can endure. The bottom line is she doesn’t deserve it. She’s the kindest and sweetest soul. Thank you for reading. Thank you for your help.

Brian

       It’s been cold and grey the last few days. Everytime I go to write something here,I either lose my thoughts,or I have to tend to something here,or I’m bogged down in problem solving. This has been such a constantly moving and changing odyssey that at times is different every hour.

      Now that the government is open,we are anxiously awaiting departure from this hotel. I’m on the phone daily with the housing coordinator,while understanding that no matter how much I advocate and push,I can’t force the government to hurry up and write the check. We want to and expect to spend Thanksgiving in our new house. It’s 13 days away,and it’s also Karen’s birthday on the same day. That will be the perfect present that she so richly deserves.

       We unfortunately have had another fistula setback. When we went for the ultrasound the other day, they found yet another narrowing that has to be cleared. It’s in proximity to the fistula,but not directly in the way. It is with that news that I inform you Karen is being operated on again this coming Wednesday at 1130 AM.

     We can’t allow ourselves to dwell on how much this isn’t fair to Karen,or the dialysis setbacks. The doctor is optimistic that this procedure,the 5th and hopefully final time they operate on her arm,will be her last. If that’s the case, her chest catheter will finally be able to be removed. We are literally taking life one moment at a time. Karen is not feeling well at all. Her tolerance for the dialysis seems to lessen each week. The diet is correct, the rest is correct,I’m doing all in my power to bring her optimal health. Sometimes,no matter how much I encourage her,she’s unable to rally up. However,she gives it all of her effort. There are many visits to doctors in the coming weeks. All I can do is focus on the day.

       We hope you’re all safe and well. We miss the way OPL Social Media activity used to be conducted. We don’t understand why it hasn’t been returned to the original format. We will never stop watching with all of you,though. We hope you’ll be watching with us this weekend. Yes, I’m having some tough days and trying my absolute hardest to stay positive. I’d be lying if I said it’s getting easier. Anyway, I’m only a DM away. Hope to hear from you soon.

Brian

         What I’m writing is in no way,shape,or form political. I’m just reflecting on the days since Karen’s recovery from surgery,and the effects of the unfortunate government closure on our journey forward. I have done everything in my power to consistently remain stoic despite the obvious setbacks that are occuring at the moment.

       First off,I reflected back about 3 months, wondering if I made every effort to motivate the powers that be that hold our future in their hands to expedite our move. Looking at my daily journal of phone calls,emails, physical visits to multiple social workers and county agencies,I realized there wasn’t much more effort I could’ve made to speed up the process,at least not without displaying a level of anger I’m not capable of reaching. I advocate fiercely without alienating anyone. Over the years,I’ve found that expressing frustration and reminding administrators of the urgency of our situation is the highest level I can reach without damaging the relationships we need to engage in to get where we need to be. I self evaluate at the end of every care day, looking at where I can improve,where I can make any aspect of Karen’s life happier,or easier,or provide an environment where she’s as comfortable as she can be. It’s a delicate process that I don’t take lightly. This woman deserves so much better than what she’s received. Rarely complaining, silently fighting for her health,her life, going to every doctor visit,consult, treatment,and surgery.

       It’s physically and mentally taking a further toll on her on a daily basis. Her energy level is severely depleted. I have to assist her in every part of her activities of daily life. Everyone tells me to stay the course,never give up hope,pray daily. That’s exactly what I try to do. I do it with a smile on my face. Caring for her isn’t the hard part. The hardest part is watching her health decline. Watching her tolerance slowly fade after each dialysis treatment. That’s the most difficult aspect. Watching the odds get larger everyday.

       Obviously, the shutdown isn’t anything I can control. Despite the news about funding being ordered,there is the same message on the food stamp phone line daily. “Your balance is $1.62” before the computer hangs up. Disheartening. Having an apartment waiting to be moved into,but the agency hasn’t received the check for the rent and security from HUD to pay the landlord who holds the keys. To be this close, after waiting for over a year,is a bitter pill to swallow. Watching the fixed monthly income fly out faster than it enters because of it. It’s all just another war to fight,on top of the rest of the battles. They won’t stop me. They’ll make it difficult,but I’m still here,and I get up everyday ready to do battle. Am I stressed? Of course. Do I feel sadness and pain at times? Absolutely. Do I cry where Karen can’t see me so I can let it out and move forward? Yes. Guilty to all. It’s natural. I can only be so tough. I just can’t believe this is happening the month of Karen’s birthday,and in the edge of the Holidays. Anyway,that’s the report from the front tonight. Hopefully see you watching the show later tonight. We treasure you,OPL Family. I’m only a DM away. We pray you’re all doing well. We think and pray for you all daily.

Brian