COLD

      I have somehow and inexplicably been unable to write. I’m usually never been unable to express how I’m feeling and detail the events that have taken place.

      However,since the Holidays,and the passing of my birthday, everything has been so cold. Outside. Inside,in my heart,has gone into a place that I dread it traveling to. The world of fear. It paralyzes me. Obviously,I can’t let this happen too often,but when it does,it’s debilitating. The way I’ve been physically feeling has also been a subject I’ve been in denial about.

     The routine that I have had with Karen recently is of extreme concern. Her sleep is up to 18-19 hours daily if not at dialysis. When she wakes up,as soon as she sits up,she starts to feel nauseous. She is having increased short term memory problems. She is also having more concerning digestive issues. I’ve had to be even more diligent as far as cleaning her up,and helping her get ready to go to dialysis. Quite simply,I haven’t written because my time is consumed by watching Karen’s health progressively get worse while I feel powerless to make her quality of life better.

     I ask you to bear with me while we navigate this new normal. When the year began over 3 weeks ago,I had to embark on more arguments with her insurance company as to why certain benefits have been inexplicably removed from her plan.  Mind you,we were promised that while some things were getting reduced,they weren’t in any possible way supposed to be completely taken away.

     I have been trying to fight multiple battles on multiple fronts. I’m not winning,but I’m not giving up. I have been through a dark few weeks,and I’m looking for light. I’ll find it one way or another. There are others going through similar scenarios. I hope we can find strength through each other. I’m going to resume writing as much as time will allow. I just wasn’t expecting a drastic reduction in Karen’s already delicate condition. We will talk soon.