December 31. It seems like it’s a date that automatically beckons one to look back,reflect on the year. It should also be a time to prepare for a new beginning. I damn sure wouldn’t want to relive the nightmare this year was for us. However,I realize that I have learned many lessons from experiences I’ve had this year that I want to utilize in 2026 and beyond.
I want to take this time to tell those of you that don’t know. The intensity of emotion that I express in words in my writing is exactly the way I speak in real life. I’ve worn my heart on my sleeve since I’ve been old enough to express myself. It’s been both a blessing and a curse to me through the years. However,I will not apologize for it. It’s who I am. I do want to clarify though,that I in no way write the way I do in order for you to pity us,nor am I trying to pull on your heartstrings for donations. I’ve recently realized that some might perceive it that way. I will admit a shortcoming here,one that I’m still working on after 52 years on this planet. I’m a class AAA People pleaser and hurt when I think people are mad at me or don’t like me. This is something that has lived within my heart since childhood,as I had to grow up very young. I don’t know why it’s difficult to realize for me that not everyone will like or accept me,and some people just won’t understand or believe in me. I’ve been working on this my entire life. I’m naturally sensitive,and it’s not an easy thing to admit. When I do find out that someone doesn’t like me, I want to know why. I should just tell myself that’s the person who doesn’t like me’s business,and move on. Sometimes, I get stuck in it. Rest assured,I’m working on it. That’s just the way life is.
I haven’t posted on X through Christmas because we were not in a good space mentally or physically. I’ve only been focused on trying to keep Karen as comfortable as she can be. I’ve also been trying to focus on getting my own health questions answered. They aren’t yet,but they will be soon. Karen’s condition has indeed not improved. I don’t state this for any reason other than that’s the honest truth. Getting to the bottom of her ongoing respiratory issues are the immediate goal.
As far as the apartment..I told you last time,a pivot had to be made from a private,stand alone apartment in a home to a senior housing garden apartment situation. This will provide the peace of mind we desperately need. If Karen has a medical emergency,there will be people in a part of the complex that can assist immediately. It’s also more economically feasible. The rent is actually calculated based on what your income is,not just a fixed monthly rate for all. The minimum rent is $977 a month, which I believe will be where we can fall in at because the minimum yearly income required to live there is $18,000 yearly. With the small Cost of Living Increase this year, Karen’s income will come in just a couple of hundred dollars over that 18K. We will be paying 30 percent of that,taken directly from Karen’s SSD check. The utilities are factored in to a formula that we’ll know more about before we move in. In any case,the caseworker was here a few days ago,and told us to be patient but prepare and everything will be ok,but won’t commit to a date to move. I can’t force this process to move any faster,I wish I could.
In the meantime,when I look back at this year,I immediately think of all of you that made it possible for us to survive this year,with every type of support you could give. You know who you are,and you know we think you’re priceless. We have overwhelming gratitude for you. You deserve to have the best life has to offer you,and we pray that you will get it.
This last part is for anyone who is a caregiver or is a patient of a caregiver,or who is involved in any situation where a loved one or friend is critically sick or disabled. I’ve decided I can try to help others who are in our situation while taking care of Karen and fighting for our independence and quality of life. I have started a YouTube channel called “Caregiving Under Hardship” and if you want to find a place where you’ll find an empathetic ear, check it out. I have plans to make a community where we can all assist one another.
So,now that 2025 is all said and done,Happy New Year to you all. Your friendship and love are cherished and always needed. Thank you to everyone.
Our Fight For Survival 
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