Shutdown

         What I’m writing is in no way,shape,or form political. I’m just reflecting on the days since Karen’s recovery from surgery,and the effects of the unfortunate government closure on our journey forward. I have done everything in my power to consistently remain stoic despite the obvious setbacks that are occuring at the moment.

       First off,I reflected back about 3 months, wondering if I made every effort to motivate the powers that be that hold our future in their hands to expedite our move. Looking at my daily journal of phone calls,emails, physical visits to multiple social workers and county agencies,I realized there wasn’t much more effort I could’ve made to speed up the process,at least not without displaying a level of anger I’m not capable of reaching. I advocate fiercely without alienating anyone. Over the years,I’ve found that expressing frustration and reminding administrators of the urgency of our situation is the highest level I can reach without damaging the relationships we need to engage in to get where we need to be. I self evaluate at the end of every care day, looking at where I can improve,where I can make any aspect of Karen’s life happier,or easier,or provide an environment where she’s as comfortable as she can be. It’s a delicate process that I don’t take lightly. This woman deserves so much better than what she’s received. Rarely complaining, silently fighting for her health,her life, going to every doctor visit,consult, treatment,and surgery.

       It’s physically and mentally taking a further toll on her on a daily basis. Her energy level is severely depleted. I have to assist her in every part of her activities of daily life. Everyone tells me to stay the course,never give up hope,pray daily. That’s exactly what I try to do. I do it with a smile on my face. Caring for her isn’t the hard part. The hardest part is watching her health decline. Watching her tolerance slowly fade after each dialysis treatment. That’s the most difficult aspect. Watching the odds get larger everyday.

       Obviously, the shutdown isn’t anything I can control. Despite the news about funding being ordered,there is the same message on the food stamp phone line daily. “Your balance is $1.62” before the computer hangs up. Disheartening. Having an apartment waiting to be moved into,but the agency hasn’t received the check for the rent and security from HUD to pay the landlord who holds the keys. To be this close, after waiting for over a year,is a bitter pill to swallow. Watching the fixed monthly income fly out faster than it enters because of it. It’s all just another war to fight,on top of the rest of the battles. They won’t stop me. They’ll make it difficult,but I’m still here,and I get up everyday ready to do battle. Am I stressed? Of course. Do I feel sadness and pain at times? Absolutely. Do I cry where Karen can’t see me so I can let it out and move forward? Yes. Guilty to all. It’s natural. I can only be so tough. I just can’t believe this is happening the month of Karen’s birthday,and in the edge of the Holidays. Anyway,that’s the report from the front tonight. Hopefully see you watching the show later tonight. We treasure you,OPL Family. I’m only a DM away. We pray you’re all doing well. We think and pray for you all daily.

Brian