SURGERY DAY

       Well,as exhausted as I am,I always feel the need to write. Without that,I’ll lose my mind. Over the last 8 years, I’ve been in these surgical waiting rooms so many times,and you’d think that I’d be used to how all of this goes. However,when they make me leave Karen’s side after I kiss her on the forehead and tell her I’ll see her soon,as soon as I get a few steps away that overwhelming wave of tears just immediately occurs,and I have to reign myself in.

       I always wonder what is going through her mind and heart while she lays there waiting to go in. Since January 8,2025, this is the FIFTH surgery she has had. Has she told me everything she’s feeling? Is she hiding her fear as to not worry me? How can she be such a stoic and affable patient each time we have to enter a hospital? How can she have the fortitude to go through this a month after a giant bladder stone was removed from her? Am I helping her,or am I making her more nervous? There are dozens of these questions that infiltrate and circle around in my heart and my brain. No matter what, she always tells me she’ll be back to me soon,and thank God every single time she has been.

       She’s not as strong as she once was,at least physically,and I see the signs of the psychological toll more noticeable now than ever. After this surgery,her arm will be in a sling once again. She’ll be going home this afternoon ,and then tomorrow,she unfortunately has to have her regularly scheduled dialysis. The surgeon wants to see her in a week. He says if all goes well, another week after that they’ll check it for approval to use for dialysis. In the meantime, trying to prepare to move into our permanent residence on the first. We can’t wait for this to be completed. Peace of mind is priceless. Being in that hotel doesn’t afford either one of us that luxury,only on Friday and Saturday Night between 9-12 do we actually feel most like ourselves. The show and spending time posting with you bring us abundant happiness. Unfortunately,the one portion of this program we’ve been accepted into involves HUD,as they pay the first months rent and security. Since the government is “closed”, there is a backup in HUD processing paperwork. I’ve been told “not to worry” ,but that’s just not an option for me right now.

       Ok,so this surgery has been completed. He had to make a bigger incision than he wanted to,8 inches instead of 6. The stitches will dissolve themselves. We go for a followup to see him next week. The week after they’ll take an ultrasound to see if the Fistula is not only usable,but downright EASILY usable. Karen has undergone complication after complication as far as administration of the treatments. It shouldn’t be as difficult as it is. If the fistula is ultimately in the perfect place, possibly an easier treatment experience will help strengthen her. Like everything else in our lives,it’s literally day by day existing. The lung disease has to be investigated fully as soon as possible. This is,at the moment,the biggest unknown variable and obstacle preventing her placement on a double transplant list.

      So many of you made us feel cared about and calm and provided us strength that we desperately need. We both only slept 2 hours last night. I still haven’t actually slept. I’m going to try that as soon as I’m done writing. It goes without saying that we couldn’t have gotten through this day without you. All of you are the most special,kind, compassionate,caring,and thoughtful people that exist on this planet. We are truly humbled by your caring. We don’t forget anyone who has reached out. I will get back to all of you individually in the coming days.

       There is a test result from the pre surgical bloodwork that Karen has today that caused me alarm,and reinforced the seriousness of what Karen is facing. When she began dialysis in February,her EGFR (the percentage her kidneys are working) was 15. I did not expect to see that the current number is now 11. Why I believed it would stay the same is just plain ignorance on my part. Even on dialysis,her kidneys are failing more. This is something I will be speaking to her medical team about tomorrow. The lower the number,the less time we have,if she is indeed to be approved for the transplant list. I was told that the severity of her liver disease contributes to this decline. So,we are praying hard that the surgery will result in the fistula finally being operable. In the meantime, as much as I will never stop fighting and hang on to any shred of hope we have, there is an underlying fear within my heart and soul that will never cease. The odds are indeed against us. However,the value of life being a daily gift once we wake up will never be and hasn’t been more applicable than now.

      So,while we navigate the coming days,we will be trying to mitigate Karen’s pain. I will be working on the logistics for moving,as well everything else I must do to keep us operating. Thank God for you,all of you. Karen, myself,and the cats couldn’t get through without you.

      Yes,small needs are still present, but like I said last time, you’ll be reimbursed if you can help. Thank you again. Talk tomorrow.

Bless You All,

Brian and Karen

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PAYPAL BN11473@GMAIL.COM or Brian Nearey

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