JUST ASK….

    Hello,OPL Family..It took me one sleepless night and about 12 more hours after that to decide what I wanted to say in this post. Eventually,the heart that you know I wear on my sleeve just decided to type.

   Not that you might not have noticed by now,but I never,ever hold back what’s inside of my heart and soul. My emotions pour out of me. Why am I and have always been that way? The one thing I can say is that I’ve been that way since I was forced to carry myself like an adult since around 1981,when I was 8. I had to be on point in my household growing up,most especially when my father was away at sea at work. Some of you know about some of my childhood. Most of you don’t.  Things could get out of hand at times,and I had to make sure that everything looked normal or as close to normal as it could be. I protected my mother,I had to ensure that the house was clean,the dishes were done,the laundry was clean,and the food was on the table. Not everyday,mind you,but when I turned 12, then it was everyday when my Dad was at work.

      Growing up,I had a difficult time understanding why people weren’t as sensitive or compassionate as me. I got along better with older people than kids my own age. The sordid details of my childhood are neither here nor there,but I reacted to adverse events in my life by trying to make things better. Demonstrating how much I care. Sensitivity came natural to me. I didn’t get angry because I didn’t like anger. I didn’t hide my emotions because I didn’t know how. When someone was hurt or angry,I always wanted to know why,and how I could fix it.

     You’ll read someday in my book the details of those days. Right now I just want to point out two main facts about me that describe who I am…That even though my mother hurt me,she was the one person who understood me. She couldn’t express love unless a bottle of Seagram’s 7 was involved. One night she told me “You’re going to have problems in life,Brian, because you have too big of a heart” She was absolutely right. For years after I watched her take her last breath in 1997 at 52 years old,that statement was a self fulfilling prophecy that made me a fool that did for all,but not for himself.

     When I finally did discover that I had to achieve a balance, I had to re learn that I can wear my heart on my sleeve,but not in an unhealthy way. I forgave my mother because she has extreme anxiety that stemmed from her childhood that was much worse than the life she gave me. Then I finally could start loving myself. That’s when I found Karen. She taught me that I deserved love,and be proud of who I am.

      Now what the hell does any of this have to do with anything? I’ve shared every sordid detail of the hardships we’ve endured and how I’m trying to save Karen not just because we need help. The way I write,the way I fight for her,the love I have for her,and when our backs are against the wall,I have raw emotion and I let it out. Whether or not anyone believes it is not something I can control. Everytime I ask for your help, it’s because I’ve already exhausted every other option to NOT ask you. I panic sometimes when planned solutions to our problems are delayed. I have prefaced each and every request with the fact that each time I write the words “Can you please help us?”that it does indeed make my stomach churn constantly. Karen and I worked from 13 years old until she couldn’t work anymore at 49 years old in 2015. Her diabetes,that at that point she had for ten years,had began to sprout residual conditions that made it impossible for her to do her job. Towards the end of her working days,she would clock in,and 4 hours later she’d get extremely fatigued and lightheaded. Her sugar spiked to numbers that were downright dangerous. For 2 years after that I was working my job,until one day I came home to her being extremely sick. She was shaking,weak,and could barely talk. Her sugar monitor said 815.I called 911 and she was diagnosed with ketoacidosis and almost passed away. She was not able to manage her meds by herself and short term memory loss made her lose track of her dosages. I knew then no matter what the cost,I had to shift my work to trying to get her healthy.

     The rest you know from reading the blog,whether anyone chooses to believe it or not is their business. One thing I learned yesterday is that some people have gone and complained to others about my asking for money for us to survive. I wish you would’ve just told me. As ashamed as I am for asking for donations, I’m not ashamed to ask people I think are a community of extended family that I need help to keep a woman who never hurt anyone in her life alive. My motives are true. There are criminals who start Go Fund Me’s and raise $100,000 in 3 days. My wife and I have had ours up for a year and are grateful for every penny of the $6,000 we received and more that we received privately. We never ask for or want more than we need. Until we get into the apartment we have been promised, Karen’s check will be spent in 48 hours. $1,400 a month in a $2,000 + room doesn’t compute. Yes,I’ve been desperate lately because I’m upset that I have to constantly humble myself to ask for money. I’ve borrowed money from people and I’ve paid back the people that need it back. We don’t take your money and order pizza and drink alcohol and waste funds. I plan out the meals Karen needs to survive for her many special dietary needs. We don’t have a car. Transportation is free for doctor appointments. Not to go get medicine. We don’t go out and we don’t even buy clothes. There are no luxury items here,nor do we want any. All I’m saying here is if you doubt anything about my wife’s Illnesses and my efforts to save her life,just ask me. You can access anything you want. We will sign releases.Also, if you want to judge me,just judge me. Don’t read my posts. Tell me off. Do what you want to do. However,i would sincerely appreciate it if you don’t complain to people I don’t even know that I ask for too much. Have the courage to tell ME like it took me courage to ask you in the first place. I hope you have a good weekend and hopefully we can enjoy OPL together. The way it should be. Karen was injured at dialysis Tuesday. I showed you the photos and videos. I have to take her for an ultrasound tomorrow because she’s in pain due to what is most likely a punctured vein. I only asked them umpteenth times not to try to use the Fistula until the 4th surgery is done. They forced it again,and I’m done with them hurting her.

  Finally,I still love our OPLIVE Family. If you are going to give, please don’t judge us simultaneously. Thank you.

CASHAPP $BFN73

PAYPAL BN11473@GMAIL.COM OR BRIAN NEAREY

VENMO KAREN-NEAREY-1 but please look for the picture with her and Scootie there is another Karen Nearey on there.