No Rest For The Weary

        Sometimes I find myself living in denial. The reason for this is because the term “Fighting To Save My Wife’s Life” is a harrowing statement. Telling myself that everyday would mean I would feel all of the emotions that accompany acknowledging that my best friend and life partner could die. I can’t carry on my caretaking work with that sentence at the forefront of my mind. I also can’t let Karen believe that the dialysis and the surgeries and the medication and the transplant quest are being done because she’s dying,even though that’s the truth. I’ve chosen to believe that she’s going to live no matter what,and the constant treatments are to make her the healthiest version of herself that she can be. I will not allow her to think or believe that there’s no cure for the suffering and pain she endures.

       It’s been a very full week as always. The extraordinarily strange people and goings on at the hotel feel to me,as a microcosm of society in general,and not always the best parts of it. My kindness and generosity often get mistaken for weakness and naivete. I witness things that I’d rather not see,and some that I don’t want to believe. I am often asked if I work here. The total sum of these interactions often add unnecessary stress to our already difficult existence. I will share more about that another time.

       Karen had what I believe to be was the hardest week of her treatment journey this week. Emotionally spent,she didn’t go to dialysis Tuesday. Seeing her tear filled face looking at me when she woke up,I knew she was in distress. She said in her soft fragile voice “Papa,I can’t today” I know when she says something like that,she means it because she never complains and is so adamant about following the protocols. I called her nephrologist,and they agreed that being that she’s in the middle of multiple tests, bloodwork,and approaching what will be a pivotal and serious vascular surgery,she could take the day to rest. I was relieved they concurred,but that was small comfort in the context of how she feels overall.

      On Wednesday,she had 2 MRI’s and bloodwork at two different locations. The liver MRI was completed. Hopefully by Monday,we will know what is causing the intense discomfort and chills she has using the bathroom. I’m fighting for her 24/7. There are days I feel like I’m losing. I will never give up.

        The reality is her health is a day to day survival,much like our financial and housing situation. We are maintaining until we can get the transplants she needs to save her life.

        We are hoping and pushing for the housing situation to solve itself within a few weeks. The harsh truth is at the moment,there is never enough money for us to survive without daily worry and fear. We don’t ask for a lot,and I reiterate for the umpteenth time that I hate to ask,but I just need a little more help with this fundraiser. If I could have a day or two a month where I can have Karen feel secure that we won’t go without it’d go so far to plow forward with this journey.

      So please,as I swallow my pride and dignity,can you help me keep my family together? We appreciate any amount. I will achieve independence from need if it kills me,but right now I am overwhelmed and overcome with fear. I’m hoping we can enjoy the weekend of OPLIVE with all of you,our cherished friends. Thank you.

PAYPAL – bn11473@gmail.com or Brian Nearey

CASHAPP $BFN73

VENMO KAREN-NEAREY-1

or the pinned tweet on my X profile has the GOFUNDME link

Until next time,

Brian