Caregiver Self Doubt

        I realize that you’ve seen some desperate,scary posts from me on X lately. I don’t write any post for dramatic effect. Anything that I post regarding my wife’s health and our life situation comes directly from my soul,and is an honest depiction of what exactly we’re experiencing and what I’m feeling at the moment I write it.

      I don’t exaggerate or overly dramatize any of my words. This is the single most disastrous time of our lives. I also am not telling you all every detail about our struggles just because we need charity.

     I wish I could tell you one reason why we are stuck in this horrific nightmare,but I can’t. Everyone tells me I have to care for myself to care for Karen. The problem is there isn’t much I can do because of where we live,and the car not working. I can’t stop worrying,but I keep going. I try to fight fear with faith,and I used to be able to manage it. Right now I’m sad,depressed,and terrified. I also am walking around everyday knowing I might have lymphoma. Those thoughts always lurk in the background of daily life. I am going to go for the follow up cat scan after I know Karen is at least on the transplant list.

     We have to try the big meeting with them once again on Wednesday. I don’t know how this is going to work. Will they make her get a liver first,or the kidney first? What are the odds that she’ll get either? What are the odds of her surviving an 8 hour transplant? With all the complications dialysis is giving her,how is she going to overcome any of this? On “good” days,I don’t think of these things. I put on a brave face and do my best to create a positive environment for us. On bad days,when I’m watching her sleep,I sometimes don’t possess the strength to ward off the fear and uncertainty.

      What makes it worse is the constant stress over money,and the waiting for an apartment from the applications we filled out 9 months ago. The only possible saving grace is the last of the proceeds from the forced sale of our home. As of now,there’s only $6,000 left that we can’t access yet. We were told by her brother the middle of May. Well,the middle of May has come and is almost gone and he says paperwork with the court hasn’t been cleared yet. None of this makes any sense to us. If any money was owed out,the closing was in August,why wouldn’t it have been flagged then???? We are $180 short for this week’s rent as it is. We have less than $100 left to our name. Not having the car is extremely difficult to navigate. We just want to be able to stand up and provide for ourselves and not be a burden to anyone. If this doesn’t get solved this week,we will be completely broke.

      So once again I have to throw our dignity in the trash and ask for just a little more help. I didn’t want to write these words again.If anyone has anything they can spare,and I do mean anything, please send what you can to us via the following options

PAYPAL- bn11473@gmail.com or just Brian Nearey

CASHAPP $BFN73

VENMO Karen-Nearey-1

or the GoFundMe on my pinned tweet on my X profile page.

The rent in this hotel is $600 a week and that’s why things are so difficult. If we don’t receive the rest of the house $ soon,we will have to give up the cats and go to a shelter. I’m not going to let my critically sick wife have to do that. It would kill both of us. Please help me try to keep my family together. Even if you need the money returned to you,we will.

     In the meantime,I’m trying to hold it together,but I need to renew and reset my inner strength. This is a 24/7 crisis,and I don’t get enough sleep. Thank you all for your caring,your prayers,and friendship,and support. We literally wouldn’t be here without it.

     I’ll post an update after the transplant meeting.

Brian