MARCH 24

     I haven’t written in awhile and for me,that usually indicates that I’m depressed,wrapped up in worry and negative thoughts. I’ve always used writing as an escape,even if what I’m expressing is pain, hardship, heartache,and sorrow.

     We are waiting for a phone call to hear that we have an appointment with the transplant surgeon at Westchester Medical Center. The criteria that is required to become what they call “a worthy recipient” is stringent. Stringent in the context of your medical conditions. There are certain problems that a person can have that will cause a transplant surgeon to reject a patient,and I’ve heard at times it’ll come down to the tiniest detail. Karen and I had to have her cleared by 7 doctors of different specialties before the kidney team can even call the transplant surgeon. As you can imagine,this is extremely stressful. The routine until this transplant remains the same. Tuesday, Thursday,and Saturday,Karen and I go to the dialysis center. I am not allowed in the treatment room. I imagine this policy is from Covid and was never reversed. She is able to thankfully watch TV and nap if she chooses during the treatment. She is anemic,so they add Iron and Vitamin D to the IV as an infusion to help that. At times,she comes out from the room looking a little brighter. There are also times when it looks like she’s been through a 12 round heavyweight boxing match. Her voice is always hoarse,that’s a byproduct of the treatment.I get her back to the hotel and slowly walk her up to the room. Even with the elevator ride,she often has to stop and catch her breath on a walk that is only about 40 walking steps to the medical taxi. I make sure she’s comfortable,then make her a snack,after which she falls asleep. This sleep can vary from 3 hours to 7 when she’s really not feeling good. The cats sleep on the end of the bed, because it feels like they know she’s sick,and they and I watch over her.

   Anyway, the registration on our broken down car expires on the 1st of April. We have to get another car. It will be used,and I have a lead,but I don’t know if it’s going to work out. We are having serious issues without transportation. Yes,we can get to doctor appointments and dialysis with medical transportation,but we can’t use that for food shopping or any other errands. We appreciate the prayers and thoughts and well wishes. We also appreciate the friendship. We know it’s difficult for just about everyone right now. We are asking for any donation you can afford only if you can afford it. We just don’t have enough money to achieve what we need to at the moment. I don’t sleep much, because although I’m physically and emotionally exhausted,I’m consumed with incessant worry about how Karen will survive,the odds she has to overcome. I don’t care about myself as much as I should. I do just enough to be able to have the strength to keep caring for Karen. I worry about keeping my little family together,and not end up in the street. Unfortunately,I need help to keep sustaining our survival. Keep watch for more updates.

Brian